Talk to the Lifeguard

"Hi!  Do you work at the pool?"

"I am the pool," he whispers intensely.  "The water laps at my soul."

"Oooookay," you say.  "Is it open?"

"No," A tear runs down his cheek. "My previous lifeguards were...undependable."

"I'll be a lifeguard!" you say, hoping to relieve boredom and make a little money.

"I can't imagine what the problem was," you say as you back away from this insane man.